i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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