maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
