oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
