ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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