I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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