You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
