you turned your livingroom into a bong?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
My underwear smells like fireworks.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
