Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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