so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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