Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
