grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
