if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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