my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
