The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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