i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
