Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
