I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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