If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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