somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
