More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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