I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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