Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
