He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
