Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
