Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
