Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
