Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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