i don't like sucking hair
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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