Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize