I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
