The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
