i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize