I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize