Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
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