you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
