Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
