if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
