Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize