like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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