i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
