so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
