i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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