he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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