I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
