This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
