I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
