We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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