Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
