Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
