i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
You made out with two different species that night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
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