I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize