nut hugger
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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