I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
