laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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