Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
