Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
