it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
