My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
