I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
