she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
