I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
