I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
The Olympian is in my bed
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
