from now on my penis is your penis
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
