Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
