I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
We have started to decorate penises.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
